Sunday, August 30, 2009

13th floor

"We fight the shadows,
in search of light,
Awaiting the dawn
in this dark night.."

These are not my lines...and I dont know who wrote them... but yes I heard them from Purab Kohli (and also Sandhya Mridul) ... thats all for the credits!

Anyway, these four lines... spoken out loud in two languages really left a mark on me...
I read them inthe subtitles, I heard them loud and clear with deep emphasis on every single word... and yes! it fits!
For almost two years I have been looking for something... and even though I have found a few things, I am not sure if they are what I was looking for. So my search continues.....
The strange thing is, I realize that the certain something, I was looking for is not what I have achieved after all this insane effort slash hard-work and this realization more than often comes right after i have blown the victory bigul...and so it turns out, what should have been "neighbours envy owners pride" is just something owner has disowned... I just wouldnot desire it anymore as if I dint ever want it!!!!
I reason myself by calling them underachievements... but if they really are underachievements then I shoulnot regret letting them go? That means, this post shouldnot exist!! But it does!! Its as if I wont have it but I wont have it gone either!
I believe I am cursed... I am cursed to be waiting... to be wanting... to not know what I want or what I am waiting for..
But one thing I think is not part of this evil spell cast on me is the drive I have to keep wanting and keep waiting...
I once read somewhere, 'we all were born with reasons...' ... and to some extent I have found one of the reasons for my existence... but I guess there are more... and I am waiting!!!!